HOW TO ROYALLY SCREW YOURSELF OUT OF AN ENJOYABLE BUSINESS/CAREER
(Beating Impostor Syndrome and Self Sabotage)
Step 1… Keep repeating to yourself…
– “I don’t know enough”
– “Why should people pay me”
– “I’m not good enough”
And then try to argue with yourself intellectually that you ARE good enough… (How’s that strategy working for ya? …oh, it’s now… weird, then perhaps time to try something else? 😉 )
Ok, so first off… let’s drop all the ways you may be beating yourself up for having these thoughts… that doesn’t really help you except to trick yourself into thinking you have a good handle on the situation… which you clearly don’t… and that’s ok… That’s what we’re here to work on.
So next… I’d like you to dig deep and think of all the ways these thoughts are hurting your business/career (like discounting your services, not speaking up in meetings or giving away loads of free stuff)…
IMPORTANT NOTE: Don’t beat yourself up for these things… just list them out.
This should motivate you to take some well-needed action and keep you moving forward when you start into the scary bit.
Ok… you should have some fire in your belly to jump head first into this problem now instead of skirting around it, hoping it would go away if you just kept working and ignoring it… (I’m not for a second suggesting you might have been doing that) 😉
The next barrier which may be tripping you from moving forward is your old friend “metaphors”!
“I have so much baggage, emotional scars, black sheep mentality” etc…
Errrmmm, emotions are chemical and electrical impulses in the brain which are interpreted into other inputs like a voice in your head (thoughts)… they can’t have scars… that’s you labelling something to increase it’s power over you and purposefully holding onto stuff that happened in the past (doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes in the past or 55 years… the event has finished).
So, Yep – You’re doing that… You’re purposely holding onto the “hot coal” that’s burning your hand.
“That’s stupid Chris, Why would I hold onto and increase the thing that’s holding me back?!”
Oh, I’m glad you asked, imaginary person who is probably annoyed that I haven’t given you any solutions yet (we’ll get to your need to rush to an outcome in just a sec) 😉
Simple – Because it’s serving you! – In many cases this can be exchanged for “It’s protecting you from something which scares you.
Most Imposter Syndrome has at the base of it – “I’m afraid that I am…[Enter your insecurity which you probably acquired in your childhood – because we all made our very BEST decisions and assessments about life back then :/]… and if I were to drop all my fears, insecurities and disbelief about myself, I would be doing something which would open me up to a new threat which I don’t feel prepared for.
^Self-Protection through Negative Thoughts and Emotions – sucks huh^
I often joke that I love to Coach people who are highly intelligent… because they have the most baggage. Ok, so this is to be taken very tongue-in-cheek, but it does hold a little merit… Smart people are EXPERTS at thinking and worrying!
They will Think, Over-Think, Think some more and when all possible problems, consequences and negative repercussions have been listed… they’ll go back to the start and revise everything from scratch… just in case.
Then, if they are super good at this, they will then begin to worry that they worry too much.
(You know you’re nodding and smiling)
The other thing smart people tend to do is demand things of themselves… they need to have outcomes and answers really fast and if they don’t get them, well… let’s jump back onto the Beat-yourself-up Merrygoround, because (and the last bit… labelling) – “If I can’t come up with a solution to my problem… maybe I am as bad as I think I am”
(BTW, If this is hitting a nerve, please make sure to drop a comment below – there’s no shame… there’s a reason I know this feeling so well… It used to be ME!)
So how do you move forward in a healthy way… simply put, you need to stop running away from what you’re afraid of and face it head-on.
Think you’re stupid? unskilled? ignorant? – Understand that it is just a thought! – Your mind created it to protect you and used an old memory (or several) to justify its authenticity… It’s Total B.S.
Just because you have a thought (or several)… doesn’t mean they are facts. The same as, just because someone (or a group) think of you in a certain way, doesn’t make it true either…
You get to create yourself however you wish… you are whatever you believe you are!
So believe in yourself… acknowledge those negative thoughts as simply your fears being manifested to protect you… tell your brain “thanks, but I won’t be needing that today, we’re good”… And Go DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!
You’re Awesome! – Don’t you ever forget it!
Hope this helps